It’s September and it’s back to school in the middle of a pandemic! Here in Dubai we have the choice to send our kids back to school full time, do 2 weeks at home and then send them full time or do e-learning from home. Some schools aew allowing a blended learning experience of a few days in school and the other days doing e-learning. I’ve opted to sent Bubba and Bambi in full time!! 😱 Honestly I’m a bag of mixed emotions, glad they’re AWAY from me and learning from a proper teacher who’s getting paid. Noone paid me KMT. And over my dead body my kids will say shit like WAP (if you know you know🤣).
Bubba is now in year one and his uniform has changed to a proper shirt, tie, smart shorts and there’s an option for a blazer in the winter. And Bambi is in FS1 which here is in the same school as Bubba’s primary school. Honestly how did they get so big? MY OVARIES ARE SO PROUD. We made these tiny humans from scratch you know.. HELLA CRAFTY🤣
They’re first day at school was yesterday and they loved it! Both abit anxious from the 6 months at home and separation anxiety but overall they were smiling. Currently for covid measures there’s bubbles of 10, divider in the classrooms, teachers with masks, regular temp checks and hand washing and social distancing rules when walking through the school.
However cases in dubai are rising so fingers crossed they are safe enough. Anyway since they’re at school and I’m at home with the 3rd midget 9-month old offspring who now bites my nips for bants – she might aswel do some e-learning so here’s my new alphabet (dw the baby doesn’t understand shit)
A is for Apocalypse, where we at in the world today.
B is for Bedtime, the dramatic time of the day where noone wants to sleep and everyone suddenly wants to take a loooong shit💩
C is for Covid, the new C word that comes after ‘f**king..’ because it is to blame for EVERYTHING.
D is for Do not forget to set an alarm for staying awake in the morning and the school pick up time. (I was 20 mins late collecting Bambi on her first day! 😅)
E is for Eggs, pretty sure Covid is laying eggs and producing more annoying replicas and not eating its young😑
F is for Facebook, somewhere I actually checked during this pandemic, just to see Karen convert her garage into a high tec military classroom for her 5 kids, jumping around in a size 0 playsuit (you know the strappy ones that would pop like elastics if we bigger melon women wore it?), whilst completely sober and caffeine free WITH A CAPTION SAYING “What are you teaching your kids today?”… HOW TO BREATHE QUIETLY. THAT’S WHAT KAREN. (true story)
G is for Guessing, because Lord knows I have no idea what’s going on.
H is for Hide and Seek worldwide, but with Covid hiding and humankind armed with Dettol sprays and squirting sanitizers, seeking… Who’s winning? You tell me
I is for Interested.. well lack off.. if one more person Whatsaap forwards me a message about how the face mask doesn’t actually help, I will find you and cough in your face.
J is for a Joke. What 2020 has been so far.
K is in memory of KFC because they’ve had to remove their slogan ‘finger licking good’ 😭
L is for my Lying-ass-new-year 2020 Goals journal. All the goals I was hopeful to accomplish have gone down the drain. Now just prepping for the rest of 2020. See my meme below about my feelings hahaha
M is for Move 6ft Away. Fantastic excuse if you can’t be asked to talk to anyone during school pick ups because you know it’s going to be several repetitive conversations about ‘HoW wAs LoCkdOwN? “
N is for Nosey detective work you’ve mastered during lockdown. Why can’t everyone just state if they’ve broken up with their other half? I don’t want to spend my Sundays scrolling down your feed to find the last picture as a couple and do the math to see how many months that was. I got things to do.
O is for Open and Close. Apart from the motions of my confused pelvic floor.. Is everything open now? Orrrr will it close?
P is for Poo. The one word you will see frequently on my browsing history because I am some sort of self educated poop twat on a mission to diagnose baby bowel movements. Will sell the info for a small fee if interested..
Q is for Quiet .. what is that again? ……….
(no I wasn’t going to say the other Q word. You know the one that ends in ‘tine’. Because I don’t want to happen again)
R is for REMEMEBER to wear the facemask. The amount of times I’ve forgotten and walked out the house just to do the walk to shame to go get it 🙄 (it’s illegal here right now to not wear one)
S is for #supportlocal.. This one is a serious one because covid hit many small buisness owners hard and when you buy from them, every blood, sweat and tears makes it feel worth it. Plus they do a happy dance with every order. Trust me. Go follow my buisness @pipesdxb on Instagram too❤️
T is for Train those kids to never cough. Peaky Blinders style 🤣
U is for Uniform. THE cutest outfit.. but a pain in the ass to wash, dry and iron. Convinced it’s there to ruin your life but also make your ovaries cry with pride.
V is for Voluntary. That’s what looking after kids is without getting paid right..?
W is for Willpower, for not buying straight jackets yet. For all 3 offsprings.
X is for X-factor. In short clips on Youtube with 38583906 pisstaking adverts that is my Friday night.
Y is for YOLO – because literally you only live once, so don’t lick doorknobs. (and don’t be a prick)
Z is for Zzzz .. not a word but you know what I mean..
#knackered #COVIDalphabet #NOTfingerlickinggood