It’s too hot, sticky, humid and disgusting.
The floor is literally lava. Lava with a strong foreign B.O smell and frankly I don’t want to carry 20 water bottles, lug around a small child who WILL refuse to sit in the buggy and chase a toddler stealing watermelon printed goods (true story, I had to pay outta my arse when he broke it).
There are ways to keep kids entertained, whilst at home and mentally unconscious.
1. Every kid loves music and nursery rhymes so stick on Drake- Kiki do you love me are you riding blah blah. Either with headphones, and enjoy the quiet, or blast it and enjoy not hearing any Moany migit voices.
2. Go to a cheap toy shop and buy some stuffs to bring out as if you santa. Mummy Santa is Watching youuuuuu..
3. My newest bribery tactic are those nutella and go bread and nutella stick things. I bought a couple and now use it as leverage. You don’t wanna ef with me😂
4. Do sensory play like a pinterest mum YAAAAY! Only it’s not dry pasta, it’s cooked.. It’s not glue, it’s white sauce and instead of sticking it on a plastic plate, STICK IT IN THEIR GOB. Thank you thank you *takes a bow*
5. Change the “washing the car” idea into dishing out wet wipes and getting them to clean their toys.. Or mummy will eat the chocolate sticks duuhhh
6. If your kids are old enough to play hide and seek, then you have changed the game in motherhood. Unfortunely mine are not but I’m training them for the future because being stubborn and never giving up your hiding space are the rules. (obviously you have to give up if mummy has a panic attack when she no longer knows if her kids are dead or alive).
7. Brave some YouTube egg opening surprises videos. Lord knows how kids find that shit interesting.
8. Instead of playing dress up, play dress down, where they run around naked. Saves you from doing laundry and it’s bloody hot anyway.
9. Does Moana on repeat count as creative imaginative mind stimulating activity? 😂😭
10. If all else fails, stick them in the bath tub and shove some random toys in. Rotate toys Sunday through to Saturday.