Mothering can be a little shit. Not the kids and the duties, because cleaning their actual feaces is part the package, but the part were you forget/loose yourself. Sometimes it’s difficult to look after ourselves because where the hell is the time?! Between Bubba demanding his sandwhich to look like the planet Saturn and Bambi crying for attention, any time peaceful (aka when they’re asleep at the same time) you will find me face down, passed out, on several bags of biscuits (dinner) which I was scoffing down prior.
So needless to say I look like a gorilla.
My morning “beauty” routine is *queue all you beauty bloggers to die a little on the inside*.. brushing my teeth and washing the face. Not even washing, that implies some sort of pressure applied to skin that may or may not be in circular motions. I mean splashing water on and leg it because someone’s bawling. Guaranteed. Soo you grow a third eyebrow and a goatee and wonder why your only friend is the GroEgg you see beside your bed all night.
So one day I thought, bi*chhhhhhh you need to move your buffalo-looking-overweight-ass and make yourself feel better. So naturally I turned to Googling hair dying ideas because I concluded funky haircolour diverts attention from everything, obviously. I realised I’m not ready for the root commitment. Between dodging flying urine fountains and hoovering glitter from the rugs, I refuseee to worry about roots aswell. So ombré it is and I found the perfect look!
Background about my hair is basically nil. I haven’t dyed my hair in 5 years and that time I went brown with red highlights. But I did it a few days before I went on holiday to Turkey. And when I decided to take a lovely swim in the ocean, (by swim I mean go as far as I can whilst standing), I watched people running away from me and giving me the stank eye. I realised it was red all around me and thought ohhh shiiiiit have I started ma P? In the middle of the f@cking ocean?! But then realised the drops coming off my nose were red and thus the colour stripped in a few minutes. Ofcourse I had to shout and declare “It’s my hair dye”*nervous laugh* to any passer bys. Ahh great memories.
So yeah it is virgin black.
So got with a girlfriend who also wanted her hair done and we went to Baravia Beauty Center
After 9 attempts of explaining and thrusting the picture of what I wanted in everyones face.. finally came the backcoming and bleaching process. Lydia, my hairdresser, thank god had lightening fingers and got it done quick because the mix of the smell and the Arab lady’s kid next to me saying “mama mama mama mama mama mama” non stop, make me nautious. Here’s me tryna get away from kid’s for a few hours and now I’m stuck with a human parrot.
Next came waiting and waiting and Snapchatting and waiting and waiting. On my left this walking migit is still at it with repeating the same one word I’m tryna escape from. On my right a Linsey Lohan looking bish is moaning about wanting more blonde extensions when her head of hair looked like Titanic anyway. Thick, long and sinking. I’m worried the weight will crush her shoulders and she’ll have to be a no neck Lohan.
Finallllly time to washhhh it off. Off I went with a pep in my step because hello free spa-like-ish treatment.. I pictured warm water treakling through my scalp and floating lillies. I got a cold hard sink with neck damage. Poor Lydia was doing her best untangling the mane while I stared at the celing wishing there was a TV up there or a mirror. I have this thing when I’m bored or trying to sleep, I mentally renovate a space and let’s just say I build an entire salon empire.
Suddenly a lady with a bin bag on her head comes running and demands to have her hair washed.. like fam sit your ass down and wait till I’m done k. Noooo she starts pestering Lydia to hurry up. There’s another hair sink next to me where the hairdresser has abandoned her client for 20 minutes but she’s not asked to move. So much common sense I’m swimming in it.
Next was the blowdry aka witchcraft. How do people use that round tiny ass bristled brushh without it tangling and crying and grabbing scissors and butchering the lot? (Can you tell I did that to myself in the past?).. then Pinhead came to start blowdrying the otherside..
First look at my hair was completely different to what I wanted but as Lydia kept repeating “looks exactly like the picture”.. no Lydia it doesn’t look like the picture. It looked electric pink. But I was too excited to care..
When paying they charged me and my friend 500 AED each but she had a haircut and roots dyed extra so naturally I wanted a discount! The Pinhead lady agreed to 400 AED and the lady behind the till said 450 AED. LIKE WOT? I’m standing right here mate!
Now 2 days after the hairdye, the colour is what I wanted, sorry Lydia! I love it! Overall the experience was good, I feel like I could give it a go myself next time 😁 .. and now everytime I walk pass the mirror I steal a look.. isn’t that what we all want, to feel beautiful!
(Because my name is Asiya and i-see-ya/ayyseeyaa get it? Get it?)