A day at Dubai Mall 

So yesterday I spent the whole day at Dubai Mall, and seriously that is something coming from me because I HATE shopping for more than 5 minutes. I just can’t do it. How do you not loose braincells by looking at the same thing in different colours for hours 😣.. And with a baby, forget it, it’s 472829 times harder! You have to calculate will your buggy fit through these flipping small aisles, is anyone watching while your kid drops 30 hangers of clothes or where is the nearest baby changing room when he shits himself.. etc etc.

Lord knows how I managed to survive a whole 7 hours “shopping”. Like wtf right?! The initial plan was to meet a friend at 2pm for a coffee and when that was over, to buy a dress for a birthday party and then go home. Really god damn simple; so I thought.

*scoffs*

Searching for a decent dress that I like took much longer than I thought. Everything I liked from afar turned out to have nonexistant sleeves so you can watch the wings jingle or too long for my migit height perfect to trip, rip, fall and die or too tight fitting that will make these love handles burst or too low neck hard as it is taming the melons or completely backless  oh and I have back ‘melons’ and no I’m not ashamed to admit it..you get the idea. Not to mention everytime I want to stop to look at a dress, I have to jump around, clap like a seal and state what other animal is in Old McDonald’s never-ending effing farm. 

I don’t have patience. So as you would expect, I decided not to attend the God forsaken birthday party or if I do go, just to wear one out of my million black dresses. Sorted. Now time to treat me and the monkey to debrief from the shopping trauma with something tasty. 

The closest food related thing I saw was Granny’s Waffles, which was still a mile walk away. For the biggest mall in the world, you would really expect a food related place every 5 minutes, well for a fat shit like me, I’m not happy unless food stalls are within arms reach. But Granny’s Waffles looked quite impressive I admit, a desert café with pretty views of the indoor waterfall, Fake palm trees and comfy chairs – yes please! 

Annoyingly they had no highchairs so the little one sat on the table (I held him ofcourse), while he attacked his pancakes and ate through the sugar satchets. Probably after watching me struggling to navigate the spoon of waffles dripping in chocolate mess-free into my gob and the fact that they don’t have any highchairs (wtf), one of the waitresses decided to take the little one and show him the waterfall. When I first came to Dubai and ate out at TGI Fridays, the moment a waitress asked for my permission to hold my then 5 month baby to calm him down, I nearly passed out. But it’s actually really helpful, they keep the kid within watching and hearing distance of you. So while the waitress entertained him, I was left scoffing my face while keeping an eye on my kid (who’s happily in the waitresses arms as if she feeds and clothes him everyday😑) and secretly watching a gorgeous arab couple sip their tea as their kids silently play with a toy each. Their life is so effing picture perfect it hurts.

Finally done and ready to go home, the husband calls to tell me he needs to visit his bank at Dubai Mall so will meet me when he’s done. Yay staying longer in this wretched mall😐. So I decide to check out the kids clothing shops as you do when you’re trying to kill time.

I DO NOT do well under pressure and having a shop assistant following me and bringing out 7 different colours to every item I touch, got me reaaaal nervous. The only excuse to why I don’t want to buy the item that came to my head was “oh he’s already got this” ..

“Did you come yesterday maam”

Erm I don’t think so”

“This is Armani new collection maam. Came in yesterday” oh fack

Oh I think my husband bought it yesterday, he’s very up to date..” ruuunnnn!

OK let’s not go into any shops, just keep walking around till.. oooo pretty burberry boys jacket I will never buy.. must. touch. pretty. 

And the akward starts again.

Shop windows are such a curse. You can’t even window shop here without feeling like a sniper is after you. Yes it’s the biggest mall in the world and to some people that is like mind blowing, but to me I don’t even care. I actually miss my little shitty Luton mall back in the UK, at least I know exactly where to go for specific things and not be made to feel like I’m being judged if I’m wealthy enough to enter a bloody shop.. On the other hand, UK has not got anything that compares to the experience and breathtaking views like Dubai Mall! 

Good attempt UK *claps*

So now what to do, maybe the watch the water show outside or watch the fishes in the aquarium.. on second thought – hell no! (Refer to previous post). But maybe walking past it won’t be so bad.. well apart from dodging everyone standing in queue at cheesecake factory😑.

Finally the husband came to the rescue. Hallllleeeeluuujjaahh. But oh, he wants to go check out the technology and gadget shops. ARRRRGGGGHHHHHJDJEHRIFKDN!

*brain explodes*

Basic must-have: wine in an undetectable bottle. Non alcoholic ofcourse. No seriously, it’s illegal here. Maybe Redbull then.. 

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