I am going insaaaaaane. This kid is sooo needy.
Well yeah I know it’s normal, they face separation anxiety blah blah blah, but seriously do you need to cling to my leg while I move 1mm to scratch my toes?You’d think I was an astronaut about to leave on a 35 year mission (ha if only I was smart enough).
‘Aww it’s so cute’ you might say
No. Just no.
His need to constantly touch me to say ‘you are still stuck with me hahaha’ or poking my eyes out to make sure his face is the last face I see before I become permanently blind, is just totally cute 😑. I thought that was bad until he learnt the stick next to mum weeing is a large toothbrush! Thank god it didn’t actually touch his mouth before I screamed, whacked the brush, which backfired and hit me in the eye. Yes, my eyes are cursed and I’m already partially blind as it is, with a prescription of a deathly -4.75 (aka the real blind bat) with astigmation (aka crossed eyed blind bat). So the one time I decide to take off my glasses, a blurry toliet brush stabs me in the eye. It’s just perfect. The universe has literally put shit in my eye. And you know what, I used to like the damn loo cause that’s where I run to to scoff a snickers bar before the 70cm superglue locates my where abouts. Nope, not even ashamed to admit it. I aint about to share my snickers bar to a migit that doesn’t appreciate it thank you very much.
If he’s not clinging to my legs, he’s dangling on my right (now permentaly sticking out) hips whilst using my ponytail as handles or doing something he shouldn’t. It’s either that or watch him cry. Like the one time he had a meltdown at Carrefour (a supermarket in Dubai if you didnt know) so I picked him up to calm him down abit and to repay me he decided to pull down my tshirt to reveal all the wobbly bobbly bits to the cashier and entire 7 blocks of customers in queues. Needless to say I was mortified!
The worst part is he only sleeps during the night with me. Some people prefer letting their kids learn to sleep in their own crib by whatever method best, but unfortunately no method works for me and I’m the type that cant stand the constant crying at night. It makes me think of crazy things like how many sausages would I need to make a stable ladder to escape out from the window and leg it? Probably not even possible. Imagine they start airfrying due to heat and burn my feet :O. Sheeeet. Ok, back to what I was saying, so co-sleeping with my little monster means being kicked, punched and you guessed it, POKED IN THE EYES 84739 times!
However, I have heard other similiar mummy stories so maybe it is a universal undercover mission to see how long it takes to crack mummy. There is no way it’s a phase cause it’s bloody never ending.
In his defense, we are in a different country from our family back in the UK, therefore it does get lonely. And we did pick one hell of a location, Dubai, where your face will burn off if you open your front door. I’d be clinging to double D’s if its giving some shade too.
It’s not all gloom and doom, I’ve found some excellent hiding places at home, Carrefour will never see my face again (at least not the Emirates Mall branch) and I know my kid loves me more than his dad.
Basic must-have: professional eye goggles and beer. The non-alchoholic type of course.