Minute 1: Your baby is playing happily in this crib so you walk towards the bathroom slowlyyy, you know, just incase you got to run back at any given moment (happens ALOT)
Minute 2: Baby seems fine, quick undress and get in the shower! Ahhh, You finally appreciate the warm water drowning all those worries away and of course the hygiene purposes.
Minute 3: The baby starts crying. Oh great, typical, just before you’ve even shampooed! Wait, is that crying or are you hearing things? You stop breathing and listen carefully… maybe it is your imagination so you shampoo, double time, just in case. The crying get’s louder. Oh crap, you opened your eyes and now they’re flooded with the shampoo you didn’t wash off fast enough. You shove your face under the shower and rub your scalp as fast as you can. Wait, what about washing your body and conditioner? Eff that, your eyes are stinging as it is. Wait, this shampoo isn’t toxic right? OMG AM I GOING TO GO BLIND? The baby’s screaming now at torturous levels. Oh bugger. You need to speed up and get out. Wait? Did you shampoo yet? DUH the eyes are stinging. Ok just slap some conditioner on top.
Minute 4: Baby is screaming louder!!!!! Why the hell are you so selfish and already started shaving your legs? Idiot! The baby must already think you’ve neglected him.. SHIT, HE’S STILL CRYING!
Minute 5: The baby stops crying. You contemplate whether to get out anyway and check or have you got time to actually scrub your body? Where the hell is the shower gel? WHO TOUCHED MY STUFF?! (frantically looking around like a psycho) I’M GONNA KILL HIM. Oh it’s on the sink. You faintly recall you actually put it there. Nevermind. Wait, why is the baby still quiet? Shit, has something happened???? So you shout “BABBYY?!! BABYYYYYYYYYY?! ARE YOU OKAYYYYYY???” The baby doesn’ t make a sound. SHIT, he is so not okay! Maybe he’s chewing on his toys? Crap, what toys did I shove in there? Was there anything he can choke on? SHIT IS HE CHOKING?!
Minute 6: The baby starts crying. OH THANK THE LORD! You run out the shower and fling the towel over yourself. You pick him up and hug him. “OH BABY, I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY, I WILL NEVER SHOWER AGAIN! (sobs)
Minute 7: You realise the showers still on, and you’ve flooded the floor..