“It’s a wonderful experience exploring food with your baby and a great chance to enjoy meal times together”
Absolute bollocks .
Weaning a baby to solid food is just the kind of thing I didn’t prepare for. Here’s me thinking you just buy baby food and spoon it in their gob whilst making funny faces, which I’ve been doing for the past two weeks, until I stumbled (face first, literally) across Baby Led Weaning aka BLW aka Baby-Launching-Wholemeals. This is when u give ur monkey foods to eat on their own WHILST YOU WATCH THEIR EVERY MOVE (you can predict what I did.. -_- )
So today I read it’s the lazyman’s method so I decided what the heck, lets give him a stick of cooled semi steamed carrot because what’s the worse that can happen?
A whole bunch of nonsense happened.
Firstly, by the time this carrot softened, bubba had enough of the teething toy and was aggressively knarling my index finger, while I sat there death staring the steaming carrot (because hello I’m too knackered to move my finger and have my eardrums explode). How is ONE tooth that has just broken through the gums more painful than accidently hips butting the door handle? And boy does that huuuurt! Also this bloody cooker needs to die. It’s a brand new damn cooker but when using the hob, its slower than an asthmatic snail traveling in peanut butter.
Next, I go to take the carrot out and my waste-of-gods-creation brain FORGETS ITS HOT and I casually use my fingers like it aint nothin’. It was defo something alright, I’m still crying a river over the bites and now burns.
Pathetic I know. Even I don’t believe myself when I say it’s because of baby brain. It’s been happening long before, back in college I remember I strolled in my class to find a bunch of large scales lined up at the back of the room and being my Human Biology class with a pretty bonkers teacher, I was so excited! I ran towards the scales with a flashing light bulb above my head and stupidity running through my hair, I pressed both hands on the scale as hard as I can to see how much they would weigh.
Thinking about it now, what a stupid Idea. How did I think I would get accurate results from pressing it down? … Meh.
Turns out, it wasn’t not scales. It was HOT PLATES..!
Next 30 mins included screaming, waving hands around frantically and running into the edge of a lab table..
Anyway, so then I give the carrot sticks to the kid with high hopes as I’ve seen youtube clips of babies chomping away happily.. And let me tell you, YOUTUBE IS A LIE.
Food Wars and the Attack of the Carrots up in here.
Ducking the flying carrots and showering in baby saliva aint no lazyman method. It was a bloody work out.
And in an attempt to stop my kitchen from being redecorated into Bugs Bunnys murder room, I picked up one measly carrot piece that landed in my toes, which meant I didn’t watch HIS EVERY MOVE and little man shoved a piece so far back he was gagging and threw up.
Lessons learnt: WATCH BABYS EVERY MOVE, carrots are evil, mummify entire kitchen with plastic sheets and stick a hoover end under baby’s mouth.