I Love my baby boy.
I’m stating that at the start so this doesn’t sound like a total b*tch rant. And I know he’s only a few months into this life outside of my overstretched uterus..but seriously, GO TO SLEEP SON.
I don’t understand how this baby of mine functions without any sleep? Waking up every hour to spend the next 2 hours smiling at my face loses its cuteness after a while (and by a while I mean a very short while). I’m sorry kid but it’s effing annoying when my bladders bursting and holding this shit in (literally) is torture. And god forbid if you’re in my position and you sneeze… them shitty pelvic floor exercises aint gonna save you now.
Atm, going for a dump isn’t on the high priority list than my hair being used as a saliva paintbrush, but boy do I miss the luxury of going to the bog and not forcing a stream of hot acid without this baby eating the tissue roll.
Again don’t get me wrong, I love him but I’m feeling that screw getting loose.
Like I don’t understand how firing out of my vaj isn’t tiring enough to like sleep for a good few months straight? It’s not everyday your head gets squashed like a sausage, but NOPE he aint havin’ any of it. Apart from when he pretends to be asleep after drinking milk UNTIL I need to breathe (because I’m holding my breath obviously).
I now truly understand why some mothers look shit. Not breathing and sleeping is bloody difficult, but if you see me make it one day not entering my pin number to the microwave number dial and thinking what the F is going on?!, not trying to lock the fridge with my car keys (there is no lock) or not trying to read the calorie intake at the back of my deodorant bottle (trust me, shit gets real when your tired), you best believe I MADE IT. Whenever that may be..
Basically I do not currently have a decent face/hair/PJs/diet.. life.